About Girls

There’s something I have to tell you. It’s not a very popular viewpoint, and I hope you won’t think less of me after I say it. They’re weird, and sometimes difficult to decode. This might sound weird, but… I like cats.

Wait–I mean, I like girls!

It’s so easy to get them confused sometimes.

You see, growing up, my mom and I were always a cat family. Cats, of course, are well known for their ability to turn normally sensible and intelligent people into what are essentially two-year-olds with a better vocabulary. I myself have been known to tell my feline friends, “you’re so adorable,” or indeed to have discussions (mostly one-sided) about the finer points of how they like to have their ears scratched… Except for the occasional paw-swat.

With some practice, I now consider myself to be pretty darn good at understanding our fuzzy friends. Given the average kitty and perhaps an hour of time, we will become fast friends–that is,until she is distracted, spooked, or food becomes part of the equation. As cool as I am, I could never compete with cat food.

It’s pretty much the same with women. I still can’t compete with food, but with some study and a lot of practice, I now consider myself decently proficient with people in general, including women. It wasn’t always easy, though… I have often found myself very confused by a girl’s actions. I don’t mind this anymore–in fact I think It’s part of what makes girls so magical (we never quite understand them!)

For instance, a girlfriend of mine used to remark, “Don’t be jealous of my (thing)!”
Here’s what it looks like in context:
(On a hot summer day, ALEX and GIRL have just returned from grocery shopping.)
Girl: “Dont be jealous of my Popsicle! Mmm…”
Alex: “That’s ok, I don’t really want a Popsicle.”
Girl: “No, you’re supposed to be jealous now.”
Alex: “But you just said…”
(ALEX becomes confused, and his head explodes, throwing candy and confetti everywhere.)

And then you’ve got all the different flirting styles… Sometimes you’ll be playful and joke around, other times you’ll act like you don’t want me anywhere near you, but it’s actually code for “keep trying, I actually like you.” (Hence the swatting.)

Luckily, I have found a solution! I now treat all girls like adorable kittens (with a minimum of intoxicated-toddler language.) Ladies, the few of whom I’ve shared this strategy with have had mixed responses (from “that’s stupid” to “aww! Alex that’s stupid” mostly) but it makes sense to me so I’m sticking with it. And really, doesn’t everyone want to be an adorable, fuzzy kitten sometimes? I know I sure do. I would be so adorable!

So, what do you think? I’m not saying I’ll treat you like this all the time. Conversational skills, among other things, are one of my favorite things about women (and all people.)

Well, by your adorable look of confusion, I’ll just have to assume you’re okay with this. Thanks! Aww… you’re just so adorable!!

One Reply to “About Girls”

  1. OH HEY, that’s me! I’m GIRL in that scenario. I feel special.

    I just ate some cookies, don’t be jealous! : )

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